Today, too much texting, not enough “pleasant countenance”

Chapter 1, Mishnah 15

שַׁמַּאי אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה תוֹרָתְךָ קֶבַע. אֱמֹר מְעַט וַעֲשֵׂה הַרְבֵּה, וֶהֱוֵי מְקַבֵּל אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם בְּסֵבֶר פָּנִים יָפוֹת:

Shammai used to say: make your [study of the] Torah a fixed practice; speak little but do much; and receive all men with a pleasant countenance.

L:  There are three elements here and I’m not sure they necessarily fit neatly into one Mishnah.

H: But I think you would want to find one, common thread. Otherwise, why would they place all three into this one Mishnah? 

L: Okay.

H: So, if they are all in one Mishnah, there should be a connection among the three of them.

L: Well, Bunim says,

“The Torah position must be fixed and consistent, not to be altered to suit your personal convenience or interest. You cannot have one criterion for yourself and another for others.  You cannot be lenient when it involves you and strict when it concerns the next person. Let your Torah standards remain fixed and universal for all.”

So, according to Bunim, it’s the position that has to be fixed, not just the time [in which you set for your learning].

Then it says a little further down in Bunim’s commentary,

“Our solar system has a central point around which all else revolves. In formal systems, such as mathematics or logic, there are constants and there are variables. In life, too, we must have a fixed center, an absolute value which remains constant in relation to what all else life is adjusted.”

So, what do you think the common thread is here? Torah is the constant. You try to fix the time to learn…But what then is the common thread you said exists here. You learn Torah at a fixed time. You say little and do much and you have a nice pannim. That is, you present a pleasant attitude when you greet people.  All wonderful teachings, but what is the common thread?

H: I can’t say [for certain] what the connection is. I just feel that when Mishnayot are placed in the same grouping, the authors had a reason for doing so. 

L: Let’s review then one more time, slowly. The first phrase talks about making Torah learning a fixed matter in your life. The second phrase recommends we talk little…  They almost seem at odds with one another. I mean, you say learn Torah but don’t talk a lot when you are learning with a chavruta?

What is Torah learning?

H: Aside from the suggestion that we find a fixed time, the learning itself is about setting an example and teaching its lessons.

L: How about this. The Torah is all about mitzvot, do and don’t do.  So, in a way, this statement about “don’t talk so much,” is a continuation. In other words, the Mishnah is saying, “Don’t talk so much. Follow the rules. Do and don’t do…, as in “Talk little and do much.”

Going back to Bunim’s earlier statement, he says, “The Torah position must be fixed and consistent, not to be altered to suit your personal convenience or interest.” 

There he talks about position, not time, as far as the concept of “fixed.” The Torah has a certain position. You can’t twist it just to meet you ends. [You can certainly argue or debate the position, though, to determine the Torah’s intent or meaning].

H: “Say little, Emor Me’at” is directly contrasted with “Asseh Harbeh, do much.”  Don’t talk so much. Do!

L: In fact, we know that when we talk too much, as when Miriam spoke Loshen Horah [false statements about her brother, Moshe], she contracted leprosy.  Perhaps that is why the reverse of this statement, do little and say a lot, does not often work out too well.

That connection may work.

How about the third phrase, “receive everyone with a pleasant demeanor”?  How does that connect to “find a fixed time for Torah”?

H: Maybe it’s suggesting that the way you do this, you teach Torah, is with a value system.

L: …and by showing this value system, by teaching with a “pleasant demeanor,” others are more likely to accept your teachings. At least others will feel they can engage with you.  Even if they won’t accept your lessons right away, they might say, “You know I like Howie. He seems like a nice guy. I can talk with him.  It’s easy. I don’t feel pressure. I feel like he’s listening to me.” As a result, you begin to have a dialog.

So, when it says have “pleasant countenance,” you learn that it’s easy to learn from a person who is easy to talk to, etc.

If you take your idea further, the “fixed time to learn Torah” phrase makes more sense. It fits together nicely. “Fixed” can mean not just a fixed place to learn but a fixed time to learn. But who do you learn the Torah with? Now you have someone you can learn with, someone whom you find pleasant and willing to exchange ideas.

…and even if say little but do a lot…others who see you have a pleasant demeanor, that – even if you don’t say much – they see you do good things, you act properly with other people…They feel comfortable to ask you a question, learn from you. They might ask, “Why are you doing this?  Why are you putting on Tefillin? Why didn’t you charge interest, ribbit?  Why are you not working on Shabbat? 

All of a sudden, you’re having a conversation.

Here we are again, facing the question of what can we teach our grandchildren about the lessons learned here from this Mishnah?

H: When it says, “have a pleasant demeanor,” maybe we can tell our grandchildren that you should talk directly to people, your friends and family. Don’t be distracted by other things – such as your smart phone.  Pay attention to others around you.

L: The Mishnah is telling you to be very present to others around you. You can’t talk “at them.” You have to have a conversation.

But how do you teach a child how to have a pleasant countenance?

H: You find ways to teach by example with pleasant approaches, engaging ways.

L: Kids are different from one another. Some are chattier or more active; others are quieter…

H: You have to include all these different types of kids in your conversation, consider their differences. To the quieter ones, for example, you can say, “That’s okay. You can say little but do good things…”