The seemingly easy commandment, can be the most difficult

Chapter 2, Mishnah 1

רַבִּי אוֹמֵר, אֵיזוֹהִי דֶרֶךְ יְשָׁרָה שֶׁיָּבֹר לוֹ הָאָדָם, כֹּל שֶׁהִיא תִפְאֶרֶת לְעוֹשֶׂיהָ וְתִפְאֶרֶת לוֹ מִן הָאָדָם. וֶהֱוֵי זָהִיר בְּמִצְוָה קַלָּה כְבַחֲמוּרָה, שֶׁאֵין אַתָּה יוֹדֵעַ מַתַּן שְׂכָרָן שֶׁל מִצְוֹת. וֶהֱוֵי מְחַשֵּׁב הֶפְסֵד מִצְוָה כְּנֶגֶד שְׂכָרָהּ, וּשְׂכַר עֲבֵרָה כְנֶגֶד הֶפְסֵדָהּ. וְהִסְתַּכֵּל בִּשְׁלשָׁה דְבָרִים וְאִי אַתָּה בָא לִידֵי עֲבֵרָה, דַּע מַה לְּמַעְלָה מִמְּךָ, עַיִן רוֹאָה וְאֹזֶן שׁוֹמַעַת, וְכָל מַעֲשֶׂיךָ בַסֵּפֶר נִכְתָּבִין:

Rabbi [Yehuda HaNasi] said: which is the straight path [the right course] that a man should choose for himself? One which is an honor to the person adopting it, and [on account of which] honor [accrues] to him from others. And be careful with a light [minor] commandment as with a grave [weighty] one, for you did know not the reward for the fulfillment of the commandments. Also, reckon the loss [that may be sustained through the fulfillment] of a commandment against the reward [accruing] thereby, and the gain [that may be obtained through the committing] of a transgression against the loss [entailed] thereby. Apply your mind [Contemplate] to three things and you will not come into the clutches of sin: Know what there is above you: an eye that sees, an ear that hears, and all your deeds are written in a book.

L: This is a very cautionary Mishnah. Right?

H: He is saying be very careful, he is saying, of all that you do.

L: Yes, be careful, but I think he is also implying that we should all “take a beat,” take a minute to think about a potential action before you jump into it.  You may get a short-term payback [for your actions] but in the long-term you may realize that what you are about to do is not such a good thing.  

Very grandfatherly advice. I think we are in the right Mishnah here.

H: [chuckles]

L: Let’s see what Bunnim says.

“Rabbi” is Rabbi Judah haNasi, who codified the Mishnah.  He is so called because he was the rabbi par excellence, combining in himself the best qualities.

Here he comes to set a “right course” to follow within the context and content of the Torah’s commandments. Given the obligation to observe the mitzvoth, the question remains: how shall they be observed? For example, it is apparent that our Torah imposes on us the obligation to give tz’dakah, charity. However, some people give too little, while others will insist on giving too much!  If your measure o giving is deficient you are hurting those about you.  If you give in excess, you are clearly hurting yourself. It is for this reason that our Sages not only legislated a minimum for charitable giving; they also set a maximum: not more than one fifth of your wealth – and they found support for this in a Biblical verse.

H: What is the essence of this Mishnah? What is Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi trying to teach us?

L: From what I can see, he is saying that if you are trying to do the right thing, you become that “right thing.” You become what you are trying to do, to accomplish.  It’s all about choosing the right course.

What Bunim says here about “The right course that a man should choose (she-yavor).”

There are two methods of choosing, each designated by a different word in Hebrew. You can take out what you like and discard the remainer, or you can pick out the undesirable units, eliminate them and retain the remainder. The verb yavor, used here, is usually associated with the second process. Hence, what Rabbi Yehudah may be pointing to is the needs to eliminate eh negative, discard what is evil and unwholesome.

…Then the path you choose through life should be such that it will reflect distinction upon you both in the sight of Heaven and in the eyes of man. This double theme, to act for the sake of Heaven and for the sake of our fellowmen, echoes throughout Judaism.  The Ten Commandments, the very heart and core of the Covenant between the Almighty and Israel, are equally divided between commands which regulate man’s relationship wot his Creator and commands which regulate his relationship to his fellow man.

So, he is saying that a lot of what happens is up to us and a lot is not.

H: So, we should act on the ones that we can accomplish, that are available to us to do.

L: …and that make a difference to our fellow human beings.

H: Correct.

L:  Then Bunim adds something particularly interesting. He says…

To interpret in another vein, we might refer the teaching of Rabbi Judah HaNasi to the Mitzvoth themselves – how to chose our mitzvoth among the multitude of the Torah’s precepts.

Every Jew is, of course, obliged to of observe all the mitzvoth, insofar as they apply to him. However, over and above this basic requirement, our sages have always advocated that each Jew “specialize” in some particular area of mitzvoth. One many may adopt tz’dakah as his “specialty”: become thoroughly familiar with all its laws, seek other opportunities to observe it and penetrate to its depths in practice and understanding.

Which area would you pick? In what area of mitzvoth do you believe you would specialize?

H: Being righteous (not self-righteous) under HaShem.

L: How would that translate? What do you mean? How would you express this area of “specialty” in everyday life?

H: Simply, make sure you are doing the right thing. Pick a spot among all the mitzvoth. You can’t do them all.

L: Well, it you were to talk to your grandson, Eli, you know he is not capable of doing all the mitzvoth yet.  For instance, he is not going to put on Tefillin, or other mitzvoth simply because his is not old enough or have an obligation. 

Therefore, if you were to talk to him and encourage him. What if you were to talk to him one Sunday morning and say, “Eli, I think you should do one good thing during the day, everyday, what would that be? Something you could really be good at and make your Mommy and Daddy happy?

H: Maybe really good to your Mommy and your Daddy. For instance, if you dropped something on the floor by accident, you would rush to pick it up.

If you see a new kid enter your school or your class, you should befriend them and be kind to them.

L: That’s right. You know, as adults we often forget about these simple acts, these “easy” mitzvoth.  This might include listening to another person and really paying attention to what that person is saying. That is a way of showing respect…being present, as they say.

H: You can talk to your grandchild and say, “Don’t pick a fight. And, if someone else is in a fight, you can step in and help to stop it….”  Pursuing peace is an important act.

L: A bit further down, Bunim has something else important to say, regarding the portion of the Mishnah that states “Be careful with a minor mitzvah as with an important, major one, for you do not know the rewards given for mitzvoth.”

He says:

In just about every area of life, you find that some things are very important and extremely serious, and others are minor, of little importance. When we consider mitzvoth we might think the same about them: some are highly significant, veritable pillars that uphold Judaism, and others are minor, of little consequence perhaps. And how would we decide which are the important ones? It could seem plausible to see how hard or easy it is to perform a mitzvah. The more difficult the mitzvah, we could say, the more important it must be.

H: With regard to “The more difficult the mitzvah, the more important it must be,” is not always the case.

L: Bunim continues a bit further down…

“For other mitzvoth the Torah does not reveal what we will be given. But for these two the rewards are stated explicitly. And believe it or not, the blessings that the two mitzvoth earn are exactly the same: “that you may prolong your days”; “that your days are may be long.”

H: …and what are these two mitzvoth?

L: He speaks about the mitzvah of removing the mother bird from its nest first before taking its eggs, for instance.  Bunim concedes that this is not a difficult commandment. But then he comments on the second mitzvah, honoring your mother and your father, around which he sets up a rather challenging scenario.  He says:

This is a most difficult mitzvah to perform: It may involve deep-seated conflicts; it may require constant vigilance and awareness. Even if your father hurls insults at you, you must accept it and remain silent. If he takes your wallet and hurls it into the sea, you may utter no word of shaming invective or protest.”

That is a difficult one.

H: That is for sure. [chuckles]

Truth, judgement, and peace: The magic of three

Chapter 1, Mishnah 18

רַבָּן שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן גַּמְלִיאֵל אוֹמֵר, עַל שְׁלשָׁה דְבָרִים הָעוֹלָם קים, עַל הַדִּין וְעַל הָאֱמֶת וְעַל הַשָּׁלוֹם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (זכריה ח) אֱמֶת וּמִשְׁפַּט שָׁלוֹם שִׁפְטוּ בְּשַׁעֲרֵיכֶם:

Rabban Shimon ben Gamaliel used to say: on three things does the world stand: On justice, on truth and on peace, as it is said: “execute the judgment of truth and peace in your gates” (Zechariah 8:16).

Lenny:  It seems there are many sets of threes in Pirkei Avot.  This particular Mishnah is very similar to the second Mishnah in this very chapter.  Though in the earlier Mishnah the set says “Upon three things does the world stand: One Torah, on Service to God, and on acts of loving kindness.”  Here we use similar concepts. But instead of it saying “upon which the world stands,” there it says קים, upon which the world endures or is fulfilled.

Before we explore Bunim, why do you think the authors of the Mishnah decided to repeat this phrasing – with only slight variation from the earlier Mishnah?

Howie: Well, Torah, Avodah and Gimlut Chassadim is one thing.  But the foundation of the world is truth, justice and peace.  And it’s not the same thing as Torah, Avodah and G’milut Chassadim.

Now, why did they use different phrasing? To me they are similar.

Lenny: Well, maybe they are not.  The first set seems to me to be very personal. You learn Torah, you daven (Avodah), and you do good deeds.

Howie: Yes, it’s very much what you are doing each and every day. The second set seems not be personal. It’s what the world does (Judgement, truth, and peace).

Lenny: How about we explore Bunim for a moment. In this later Mishnah 18, Bunim does compare the two.  He begins:

In that sense does this saying differ from the earlier one which stated that the world stands on Torah, Avodah and G’miluah hasadim? Note that in place of the world omed, “stands,” in the earlier passage we have here kayyam, “endures.”  The earlier passage describes the thee values which constitute the purpose of the world’s coming into being…

Let’s skip to the last paragraph of Bunim’s commentary on the page:

When we practice justice and uphold the law we are, in effect, learning the lessons of hattath, the sin-offering, and asham, the guilt-offering, which reflect moral responsibility and retribution.

Howie: Each of these three phrases are two sides of the same coin, one (the earlier set) personal and the second set is societal. The first are obligations for the individuals and second set, our current Mishnah, is about the greater society and its moral and ethical obligations.

Bunim also sees the two Mishnayot as intertwined – the personal and societal standards of Torah, Avodah and G’Miluth Chassadim with the societal, Truth, Law, and Peace.

Three is a magic number of sorts…

Lenny: I remember one friend who used to teach and always tried to dispense his wisdom in sets of three – not two, not four but three.  People do seem to remember that number.

As you said, three is a magic number.  Maybe that’s the magic of this Mishnah.

P.S. Friends, we held a mini-siyum with some treats after completing this Mishnah, the end of Chapter 1 of Pirkei Avot.

Too much yapping. Not enough listening. A personal lesson from the Rav.

Chapter 1, Mishnah 17

שִׁמְעוֹן בְּנוֹ אוֹמֵר, כָּל יָמַי גָּדַלְתִּי בֵין הַחֲכָמִים, וְלֹא מָצָאתִי לַגּוּף טוֹב אֶלָּא שְׁתִיקָה. וְלֹא הַמִּדְרָשׁ הוּא הָעִקָּר, אֶלָּא הַמַּעֲשֶׂה. וְכָל הַמַּרְבֶּה דְבָרִים, מֵבִיא חֵטְא:

Shimon, his (Shamai’s) son, used to say: all my days I grew up among the sages, and I have found nothing better for a person than silence. Study is not the most important thing, but actions; whoever indulges in too many words brings about sin.

Lenny: What a perfect Mishnah for the social media age!

Howie: Agreed.  Let’s look at Bunim and we can then think about this and discuss the implications.

“Tradition in general considers silence as praiseworthy.  Ecclesiastes [Kohelet] advises there’s a time to keep silent {Howie begins to sing the Pete Seeger tune, “Turn, Turn, Turn.”

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late.

…but we digress.

Bunim continues: ”…A word may [be worth] a one Sela coin, but silence is worth two [Gemorah Megillah].  But this teaching is startling because Rabbi Shimon extolls the virtue of silence even among the sages.  Surely, among the unlearned with talking involves trivia, silence is a virtue. But among the learned, where creative discussion a flow, in what sense is silence good?”

Lenny: To take Bunim’s statement a bit further, if our scholars all act as Marcel Marceau, where the learned don’t talk, there will be no teaching.  Back to Bunim…

“In order to understand Rabbi Shimon’s assertion, we must note his emphasis “I have found nothing better for the body than silence. For matters concerning the body, for physical matters, I have found the less talk the better.  When people get together the talk usually sinks to the lowest common denominator…even at a yeshiva banquet the talk usually centers around the menu rather than the speeches.

Let’s skip to Bunim’s later comments on “not learning is the main thing, but doing…” [וְלֹא הַמִּדְרָשׁ הוּא הָעִקָּר, אֶלָּא הַמַּעֲשֶׂה].

Here he says, that “since learning is looked upon as a means, it appears that the essence – what is truly important – is the deed.”

Howie: Silence may be golden but there needs to be some discourse with learned people in order to teach us how to behave.

Lenny: So, here we are again, Howie.   What do say to our grandchildren on this topic? How do we talk to them (ironically, perhaps, when you are supposed to talk little)?

Let’s say your Eli wants to talk to Pappa, or our grandchildren, Eytan, for instance asks me a question that touches on this area.  What do we say? How do we bring up this subject?  

Howie: Yes, but at that age they don’t really understand what to talk about, other than the facts. They don’t have the experience.

Lenny: What you’re saying is right on. Kids…I don’t think kids “get” small talk.

Howie: They speak the truth. You know, it’s like a grownup would talk.  There’s little artfulness [Lenny: When typing up these notes, I would add, that kids also do not generally manipulate, hide their intentions].

[Howie continues:] I think kids are very open and forthright.

Lenny: I don’t think this Mishnah applies to the kids at all.

Howie. No, it can’t.  The kids simply don’t understand the concept here, whereas the adults do.  A kid the age of Eli or Eytan…the concept of manipulation or hiding their intentions is not a concept they understand.

In my case, with Eli, we often talk about what toy did he recently get.

Lenny: You know, something you said struck me, Howie. In all the other Mishnayot we learned, we ask ourselves what we can teach grandchildren. In this case, maybe we should be asking what our grandchildren can teach us?

Bunim’s final commentary covers the last phrase in this Mishnah: וְכָל הַמַּרְבֶּה דְבָרִים, מֵבִיא חֵטְא.  Here Bunim expands on the meaning of this phrase, “whoever indulges in too many words brings about sin.”

He discussed how the serpent entices Eve to eat from the forbidden tree of knowledge. He says, “When asked, Eve asserted that Almighty had said that “you shall not touch it.”   Bunim claims that Eve has added words here. Because the Almighty had never prohibited her from touching the tree.  Once the serpent had convinced her to touch the tree, it was then easy for her to take a bite and eating would then result in no harm. 

According to Bunim, once you add words that are unnecessary you can be led to sin.

I think the serpent was very good at twisting words.

It’s always remarkable how many of these TV commentators and talk show hosts…they say so much, talk to much. Every so often [not surprisingly] they say something that embarrasses them or damages someone else’s reputation.  In the course of a year, they probably spew hundreds of thousands of words. Ultimately, their words will come back to haunt them. Frankly, we would all fall into that same pit if we spoke as much as they do.  We will all misspeak at some point.

In contrast and from my limited exposure to both Rabbi Soloveitchik and the Talner Rebbe, Rabbi Twersky, they chose their words carefully – even though as teachers they spoke quite a bit.

Howie: I have a brief story to tell you, regarding Rabbi Soloveitchik.

The history I have with Rabbi Soloveitchik is twofold. On Saturday night I attended his community class where he discussed the parsha of the week. There were a lot of words, but they were words of Torah.

In another instance, I was able to approach the Rav about a matter of medicine [Howie was an ophthalmologist].  The Rav invited me over to his house.  We had a discussion. I asked him many questions. When I was done, he said: Isn’t there anything more?

I asked him, Rebbe, what does that mean?  He said, “I want to ask you about the questions you didn’t ask.  He said because in that you also have a lot of learning.”

Lenny: Howie, what do you think he meant?

Howie: He wanted to add to his knowledge so he could learn more details and ask better questions, better understand the finer points of my halachic issue.

This conversation lasted for an hour and a half – because he felt there was something more to be learned.

At the end of our conversation, he told me that if someone asks you what I said to you, you should not respond to him. Instead tell him to come to me so I can deal directly with his questions.

He did not want to be misquoted.

Donate with rigor

Chapter 1, Mishnah 16

רַבָּן גַּמְלִיאֵל הָיָה אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה לְךָ רַב, וְהִסְתַּלֵּק מִן הַסָּפֵק, וְאַל תַּרְבֶּה לְעַשֵּׂר אֹמָדוֹת:

Rabban Gamaliel used to say: appoint for thyself a teacher, avoid doubt, and do not make a habit of tithing by guesswork.

H: The end of the Mishnah is saying there shouldn’t be guesswork when you are tithing…it has to be a specific amount.  

What this refers to [in our lives today] is if you are in  shul and you make a pledge, halachically, you have to declare a specific amount. You can’t just say “I want to make a matanah [a gift] to the synagogue. It is not appropriate.

L: So, you are saying that if you are called up to the Torah, you cannot simply say I want to give a gift without specifying the amount.

H: That’s right. You have to give a specific amount.

L: This brings a family story to mind.  When Suzi was a young girl and sat in shul with her father during Yom Kippur or Rosh Hashanah, and the gabbai was calling out for members to publicly pledge specific amounts in front of the entire congregation.  Suzi turned to her father and said that she believed such public declarations could be embarrassing or feel like someone is coercing or pressuring potential donors.

“Isn’t this a terrible thing,” she said to her father. “They are forcing people to announce their pledges.”

Her father turned to her, telling her such a public auction was a good thing because many people would not know how much to give – if left to themselves. 

What do think of her father’s answer?

H: The Rav [Rabbi J.B. Soloveitchik] was very makpid [particular, rigorous, conscientious] about these types of donations, particularly when you are called up to the Torah.  He did not allow n’davot [open-ended promises of a “gift’, vague donations with no specific amount].  

L: Did you ever hear him lecture on this topic?

H: No, I never heard him lecture on this topic, but I know that’s what he held.  It was known in shul, at the Maimonides kehillah, that is what he did, and why he believed this was the correct approach.

L: And, yet some people today in the shul do accept an envelope from a gabbai without declaring a specific amount.

Clara: …I believe that is the case because I think that sometimes it’s uncomfortable for some people who are not in the same income bracket as his neighbor…

H:…and they may feel forced to give beyond their means.

L: I think a little pressure is good in this case. It’s okay. But people should understand that you can only give what you can give.  Admittedly, it’s a bit of a balancing act to know how much you can or should give.

Let’s hear what Bunim has to say.

“Until this Mishnah, every figure in the chain of tradition was introduced with a sentence which linked him to his predecessor.   For example, Antignos of Socho received a tradition from Shimon HaTzadik.  Beginning with this Mishnah, however, the sentence is omitted. It starts with “Rabban Gamliel said” The reason for this is that after having presented the teachings of Hillel, the succeeding paragraphs begin with the maxims of the sons and grandsons who succeeded him as presidents of the Sanhedrin.  The account of the Mesorah chain of tradition is however resumed in Mishanh 5…”

Howie, when it comes to this Mishnah what advice do believe it is giving our grandchildren?

H: That when it comes to Torah Sh’balpeh [the Oral Law] you do have to be exact. If something is not specifically Torah Sh’balpeh, then you are not required to be so exacting.

L: You mean that if it is in the Torah, no matter its interpretation, you have to follow it close to the letter? You have to take it very seriously. If the Torah specifies time amounts or volume amounts, for instance, we have to follow those rules.

What if your grandchild pushes up against you and says to you, “You know Grandpa, I’m not in the mood to bench today.”

H: You have to treat them with an endearing approach in order to get them to understand and therefore [hope they] follow this commandment or maxim.

L: Does it takes age and maturity for some of this “exacting” behavior to happen? Or does it never happen?

H: For some people, it never happens…

L: We won’t judge ourselves here based on this Mishnah…[we both smile].

Today, too much texting, not enough “pleasant countenance”

Chapter 1, Mishnah 15

שַׁמַּאי אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה תוֹרָתְךָ קֶבַע. אֱמֹר מְעַט וַעֲשֵׂה הַרְבֵּה, וֶהֱוֵי מְקַבֵּל אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם בְּסֵבֶר פָּנִים יָפוֹת:

Shammai used to say: make your [study of the] Torah a fixed practice; speak little but do much; and receive all men with a pleasant countenance.

L:  There are three elements here and I’m not sure they necessarily fit neatly into one Mishnah.

H: But I think you would want to find one, common thread. Otherwise, why would they place all three into this one Mishnah? 

L: Okay.

H: So, if they are all in one Mishnah, there should be a connection among the three of them.

L: Well, Bunim says,

“The Torah position must be fixed and consistent, not to be altered to suit your personal convenience or interest. You cannot have one criterion for yourself and another for others.  You cannot be lenient when it involves you and strict when it concerns the next person. Let your Torah standards remain fixed and universal for all.”

So, according to Bunim, it’s the position that has to be fixed, not just the time [in which you set for your learning].

Then it says a little further down in Bunim’s commentary,

“Our solar system has a central point around which all else revolves. In formal systems, such as mathematics or logic, there are constants and there are variables. In life, too, we must have a fixed center, an absolute value which remains constant in relation to what all else life is adjusted.”

So, what do you think the common thread is here? Torah is the constant. You try to fix the time to learn…But what then is the common thread you said exists here. You learn Torah at a fixed time. You say little and do much and you have a nice pannim. That is, you present a pleasant attitude when you greet people.  All wonderful teachings, but what is the common thread?

H: I can’t say [for certain] what the connection is. I just feel that when Mishnayot are placed in the same grouping, the authors had a reason for doing so. 

L: Let’s review then one more time, slowly. The first phrase talks about making Torah learning a fixed matter in your life. The second phrase recommends we talk little…  They almost seem at odds with one another. I mean, you say learn Torah but don’t talk a lot when you are learning with a chavruta?

What is Torah learning?

H: Aside from the suggestion that we find a fixed time, the learning itself is about setting an example and teaching its lessons.

L: How about this. The Torah is all about mitzvot, do and don’t do.  So, in a way, this statement about “don’t talk so much,” is a continuation. In other words, the Mishnah is saying, “Don’t talk so much. Follow the rules. Do and don’t do…, as in “Talk little and do much.”

Going back to Bunim’s earlier statement, he says, “The Torah position must be fixed and consistent, not to be altered to suit your personal convenience or interest.” 

There he talks about position, not time, as far as the concept of “fixed.” The Torah has a certain position. You can’t twist it just to meet you ends. [You can certainly argue or debate the position, though, to determine the Torah’s intent or meaning].

H: “Say little, Emor Me’at” is directly contrasted with “Asseh Harbeh, do much.”  Don’t talk so much. Do!

L: In fact, we know that when we talk too much, as when Miriam spoke Loshen Horah [false statements about her brother, Moshe], she contracted leprosy.  Perhaps that is why the reverse of this statement, do little and say a lot, does not often work out too well.

That connection may work.

How about the third phrase, “receive everyone with a pleasant demeanor”?  How does that connect to “find a fixed time for Torah”?

H: Maybe it’s suggesting that the way you do this, you teach Torah, is with a value system.

L: …and by showing this value system, by teaching with a “pleasant demeanor,” others are more likely to accept your teachings. At least others will feel they can engage with you.  Even if they won’t accept your lessons right away, they might say, “You know I like Howie. He seems like a nice guy. I can talk with him.  It’s easy. I don’t feel pressure. I feel like he’s listening to me.” As a result, you begin to have a dialog.

So, when it says have “pleasant countenance,” you learn that it’s easy to learn from a person who is easy to talk to, etc.

If you take your idea further, the “fixed time to learn Torah” phrase makes more sense. It fits together nicely. “Fixed” can mean not just a fixed place to learn but a fixed time to learn. But who do you learn the Torah with? Now you have someone you can learn with, someone whom you find pleasant and willing to exchange ideas.

…and even if say little but do a lot…others who see you have a pleasant demeanor, that – even if you don’t say much – they see you do good things, you act properly with other people…They feel comfortable to ask you a question, learn from you. They might ask, “Why are you doing this?  Why are you putting on Tefillin? Why didn’t you charge interest, ribbit?  Why are you not working on Shabbat? 

All of a sudden, you’re having a conversation.

Here we are again, facing the question of what can we teach our grandchildren about the lessons learned here from this Mishnah?

H: When it says, “have a pleasant demeanor,” maybe we can tell our grandchildren that you should talk directly to people, your friends and family. Don’t be distracted by other things – such as your smart phone.  Pay attention to others around you.

L: The Mishnah is telling you to be very present to others around you. You can’t talk “at them.” You have to have a conversation.

But how do you teach a child how to have a pleasant countenance?

H: You find ways to teach by example with pleasant approaches, engaging ways.

L: Kids are different from one another. Some are chattier or more active; others are quieter…

H: You have to include all these different types of kids in your conversation, consider their differences. To the quieter ones, for example, you can say, “That’s okay. You can say little but do good things…”

Not “Group Think,” rather thinking of the group

Chapter 1, Mishnah 14

הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, אִם אֵין אֲנִי לִי, מִי לִי. וּכְשֶׁאֲנִי לְעַצְמִי, מָה אֲנִי. וְאִם לֹא עַכְשָׁיו, אֵימָתָי:

He used to say: If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? and if not now, when?

L:  We see these phrases on the walls of Jewish institutions all over the world.

H: That’s right.

L: How about we begin our discussion with Mr. Bunim’s opening for this Mishnah.

“The aphorisms of Hillel are often cast in a paradoxical form. To what extent is a man bound to his ego? To what extent should a person be concerned with his own welfare, with his “self”? From on e aspect the question seems absurd. I am myself. I alone can experience myself, truly know myself. Hence, if I am not for myself, who will be for me? The most loving wife cannot share my pain, experience my anxieties, or suffer my death. Where a man’s relationship to his God is involved, a man must do for himself. My father’s learning cannot replace my obligation to learn. II must do my own praying and give my own charity. If I am not for myself, who will – indeed, who could be for me?

Bunim says a couple of pages further down…

“This is how Hillel’s words are to be understood: If every person would say,” I am here,” then indeed “everyone would be present.” If each person individually will perfect himself, the aggregate will take care of itself.

I think he’s saying that if everyone would behave this way, would think like this, this would be a better world.  Things would get done; you are held accountable, etc.

Then he continues…

“There is yet another point that may be intended in this dictum: Hillel may be speaking of the need to correct oneself and be self-critical. There are some things that even your best friend will not tell you. In fact, because he is a friend he may not correct you for fear of losing your friendship. Hence, “If I am not for myself, if I do not take myself in hand and improve my ways, who will be for me?

Again, this seems so logical.  But really how difficult is it to achieve this state of self-accountability?

H: Its probably not easy at all.

This is actually very interesting. Rabbi Hellman was here yesterday and discussed with me a piece of Gemorah [that relates to this topic].

You know Yaakov’s sons had to go down to Egypt to buy food.  The first one of the sons to approach Yaakov was Reuven.  Reuven said to his father that I, Reuven, will be held accountable. I will be responsible for the Jewish people. I will be responsible for Binyamin.  Yaakov responds to him [according to the passage in the Gemorah], that is not good enough. Some time goes by and the famine worsened.  So, this time the brothers turn to Yehudah who speaks to their father, Yaakov.  He tells his father that “We – not “I” – will be responsible.”

Yaakov said, “Now, I support your journey.”

So, in other words, Yaakov said “no” to Reuven because Reuven said “I” and to Yehudah  he said “yes,” because he said “we.”

L: What did you learn from this analysis that relates to our discussion in this Mishnah?

H: When Yehudah said it’s we, all of us, the entire Jewish people, he is declaring that this is a real responsibility. That it’s not just a solution for one person; it’s a solution for everyone.

L: You are saying that if we are all accountable, as Bunim said above, then it is a more uniting type of statement.  Maybe this is what he meant when he said that if we all take on this responsibility, the aggregate will take care of itself.

So, what started out as a somewhat self-serving type of Mishnah is far more global. Bunim might read the Mishnah differently. He might say that instead of saying, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me,” you instead could read this “If we are not for ourselves, who will be for us?”

H: Or, you read it as “If we are not for ourselves, who else will stand up for us?”

L: Okay, this interpretation sparked a thought in my mind. We are in this very interesting Jewish world today. Where if you were to get together a group of Jews in the same room. One was right-wing Orthodox, Modern Orthodox left-of-center Orthodox…forget Reform, Conservative and Reconstructionist. Could we get all these Jews to say together, “If we are not for ourselves, who will be for us”? Could we get them all to agree – on almost any topic?

Let’s just take the topic of Israel. We can’t even get Israelis of different stripes who live in the same country to agree on many critical issues. They won’t say in unison, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me”.  Kal V’chomer [a Talmudic principle of logic that says “If one thing that is strict has a particular leniency, then another case with a leniency could also be lenient in a similar way”] a bunch of American Jews with different religious and political leanings will also have a difficult time agreeing with one another.

So, what hope is there that our “aggregate” in this country or in Israel, can agree on anything?

H: Who knows, maybe there is no hope with respect to all of us agreeing on a particular issue.  More important, how do you get this group [of Jews] to unite?

L: Now, let’s refocus on our grandchildren. How do you get them to understand this dictum?

H: You have to say to them that we have there are going to be situations where you would say “If I am not for myself…” but that circumstances are such that it’s not always about yourself.  There are many times when you have to be part of a group.

L: What I am understanding from you – or how you are phrasing it – the If-I-am-not-for-myself moments are few and far between? That we need to consider the larger group, the “we,” much of the time.

H: Yes, I believe that is so.

Tough love, tough learning

Chapter 1, Mishnah 13

הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, נָגֵד שְׁמָא, אָבֵד שְׁמֵהּ. וּדְלֹא מוֹסִיף, יָסֵף. וּדְלֹא יָלֵיף, קְטָלָא חַיָּב. וּדְאִשְׁתַּמֵּשׁ בְּתָגָא, חָלֵף :

He [also] used to say: one who makes his name great causes his name to be destroyed; one who does not add [to his knowledge] causes [it] to cease; one who does not study [the Torah] deserves death; one who makes [unworthy] use of the crown [of learning] he shall soon be gone.

L:  This appears to be all about self-aggrandizement.  In addition, while not learning Torah is terrible, even worse – it appears – is twisting the words of Torah to fulfil some sort of goal you might have.

H: You are twisting Torah and using it for your own purposes.

L: This warning makes me think of a politician running for office or a business person trying to sell you something with both using Torah to help close the deal, make the sale, convince you to vote for him or her.   Bunim says the following:

“He who makes a career of aggrandizement and seeks only popularity is doomed to disappointment. The headline hunter who desires only to achieve renown is chasing a will-of-the-wisp. The mases are notoriously fi9ckjle; the people’s choice changes and shifts like mercury. Popularity which is based on sensationalism will soon collapse. The name made great isa name destroyed. Today’s “headliner” is a in tomorrow’s wastebasket.”

…so that’s just about the first part of this Mishnah.

At the same time, this Mishnah is not referring to people who become famous because of who they are or because of their noble actions. For example, Albert Einstein received international renown for what he achieved, not because he sought it out.

H: No, he did not. Einstein was more of a humble person who just fell into this because of the work he did.

L: Right. As opposed to a Broadway headliner or a politician.

Then Bunim continues…

“The reverse interpretation is equally valid. ‘If you wish to make your name great, lose your name.’ Honor pursues those who flee from it. Be self-effacing, humble and modest. If you represent something of value, you will be discovered. Worth can make its own way in the world. The truly great names are not of people who seek popularity.”

  Let’s get back the grandchildren.  What if they come home and says to you or to their parents, these other kids were invited to the birthday party but I wasn’t.

It will not go well, if we tell a five- or six-year-old or a teenager, “Don’t worry. Honor will pursue you…”  I doubt they will accept this wise conclusion.

H: [laugher].  Good point.

L: How then do you talk to a grandchild so they really believe it?

H: How, I’m not sure. It is very difficult. You could try to tell them – in a way they would understand and can absorb…tell them try to set aside your own interests or wants for a bit. Try to be humbler, and you will see your true friendships become more meaningful. 

Admittedly, this still may be a difficult goal for a very young kid.

L: I agree with you.   

The next statement says that one who does not increase his Torah knowledge, decimates it.

Bunim has this to say:

“A man’s knowledge must keep step with his general development. It is considered an achievement when a one-year-old child begins to speak.  But we can hardly continue to admire the child of twelve for his ability to talk. If he has not progressed since one, the child is case of arrested development. Growing in age each day, the normal person must also grow in terms of experience. If his knowledge of Torah does not keep space and increase, then his is actually  retrogressing. He is losing ground.”

This part of the Mishnah offers a slightly more palatable pill to swallow – at least with regard to the young child.  What are your thoughts here?

H: That you have to develop, each of us in his own way.  But the child has to understand that there is a purpose to life and that he or she is a part of it.

L: Okay, this sounds big and grandiose.  So, how do you tell a child exactly that. How do you tell a child to reflect like this?

Maybe there is a way to make a game out of this?

H: Yes, so they can participate in this, make this a game of discovery of some sort.  

L: Make it a guessing game. Ask the child, for instance, what was it that so-and-so did, or what Moshe did, or Avraham the patriarch did that allowed him to go the next level (sort of like a video game)?

One of the last items in the Mishnah – and probably the biggest, toughest pill for a child to swallow – says “one who does not learn Torah deserves death.” 

Once again, let’s call upon Bunim. He says,

“Our Torah tells us that there is a purpose in this world. The goal of man is to study and observe the Torah, and in this way to grow in spirituality. This is the purpose for which he was created. Should he, therefore, cease to learn he forfeits the right to exist – his raison d’etre.”

H: That is certainly not easy for a child to digest. Even for an adult it’s not easy.

L: So let’s dial it down a bit. Instead of saying “death,” just say good things will not happen…

H: But that’s not really what the words mean.  Again, this is not easy for an adult to appreciate, let alone for a teenager or a child.

I pose the question to you: How do you convey the meaning [of the harsh message] here in a way that the child will understand and abide by?   I really don’t know what the answer is.

L: Towards the end of the commentary, Bunim has something to say that may make this conclusion more palatable.  He says…

“One more nuance of meaning can be found in this text if we translate yalef as “teach” rather than study: “He who does not teach deserves to die.” There are scholars who know the Torah but are selfish in their knowledge. They keep it all to themselves and refuse to impart it to others or even to share it with others. But Torah is life! And to deprive others of Torah is to deprive them of life itself.  Hence to be capable of teaching and yet to refuse to do so is, in a sense, to commit murder. “He who does not teach deserves to die.”

L: That’s still pretty tough.

H: I agree.

L: Listening to Bunim, I conjure up the image of a Tzadik Im Peltz, a scholar who learns but does not share his or her knowledge with others.

H: Yes, but still a difficult message to deliver to a teenage grandchild, for instance.

L: No way around it, I would rate this Mishnah PG or perhaps even R for its harsh core message.   This may one of those Mishnayot that you say, “Let’s put it on the shelf until junior reaches age 20. Then, maybe we something to talk about to a person who can accept the message.”

Now, the very last part of the Mishnah and talks about “weaponizing” the Torah for selfish purposes.  According to Bunim, this kind of abuse of the Torah is what caused the destruction of Jerusalem.

Any final thoughts?

H: This Mishnah is not uplifting. It’s perplexing. How do you go about following these learning and teaching guidelines – or the shortfall.  What does this suggest about people, in general. 

L: Compared to the last Mishnah, which felt more like a Walt Disney production when compared to this one. Mishnah 13 is more like a Film Noir, a very dark negative view of mankind.  Maybe we have to cast a harsh eye on ourselves. After all, the Torah is not mostly not about pretty things and happy endings.

H: The Torah is a demanding body of law.  

Be kind, rewind

Chapter 1, Mishnah 12

הִלֵּל וְשַׁמַּאי קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. הִלֵּל אוֹמֵר, הֱוֵי מִתַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל אַהֲרֹן, אוֹהֵב שָׁלוֹם וְרוֹדֵף שָׁלוֹם, אוֹהֵב אֶת הַבְּרִיּוֹת וּמְקָרְבָן לַתּוֹרָה:

Hillel and Shammai received [the oral tradition] from them. Hillel used to say: be of the disciples of Aaron, loving peace and pursuing peace, loving mankind, and drawing them close to the Torah.

L:  We already discussed Aaron, so let’s see what Bunim has to say about him and his pursuit of peace:

                                                Aaron, the cohen godol, not only loved peace but actively pursued it, bringing it into existence where it had not existed before. For example, if Reuben and Simeon were not on talking terms, Aaron would approach Reuben and say, “Do you know, I met Simeon the other night. He is truly sorry that he angered you. He feels very badly about the situation. He would like to make amends, but he fears that you would not accept his hand in friendship.

Having sown a seed, Aaron went on to Simeon and told him the same story about Reuben.

The next day, when Reuben and Simeon happened to meet, each simultaneously offered his hand in friendship, and lo, peace was achieved.

There are many who love peace, but how many are truly disciples of Aaron, willing to make such efforts on its behalf?

Aaron didn’t just stumble onto peace; he took action to create peace. Does this notion resonate with you?

H:  What do you mean? In what respect?

L: Well, I found this Mishnah – at least on the surface – making a Mother-and-Apple-Pie statement. Who could argue with it?  If it’s so basic a concept, so straightforward, why insert it here in Pirkei Avot?

H:  It’s probably true that most of us don’t do this, don’t take action to seek peace. Aaron was exemplary in this respect.  He was inviting many others to follow in his footsteps…and, maybe many of them did not. But, still, that was Aaron’s ultimate goal – to seek peace.

L: What does it take to become an “Aaron”?  How do we teach our grandchildren this way of life.  We can say “Love and pursue peace” over and over again. It doesn’t mean that our grandchildren will get it.

H: Yes, that’s a difficult goal. And, you have to appreciate the fact that most people won’t pursue peace, as actively as Aaron intended. That said, you need to set an example. Maybe for other people in today’s world who live that kind of life. It’s up to the rest of us to try to emulate that [kind of behavior].

L: So, you’re suggesting that we should tell our children stories of people who have set such examples.

H: Correct.

L: I see. You are saying that we may not want to hold ourselves us as examples, since that would be considered immodest.  Too often I read newspapers, and I shake my head.  And I think that “this guy is simply seeking fame or money. This guy wants more followers on Instagram, and so on.” For these people this is not a means to an end. It is the end…the fame, the fortune. They wanted credit for one thing or another. Now, in Aaron’s case, he didn’t even want credit for the pursuit of peace.

H: Correct.

L: So, how do we tell our children or grandchildren to pursue peace?

H:  By telling them events that occurred of Aaron, going all the way back, and by telling them stories of others in our time who are Ohav Shalom [lovers of peace].

L: If the world could come to peace with itself, can you imagine what we could accomplish in society?

H: Oh, yeah!

L: In a way, every action Aaron took [to pursue peace] was a like a placing a brick in that wall.  I think that peace is among the most difficult tasks to achieve.

H: You’re right.

L: There’s a lot of uncertainty out there.  It’s jarring.  That space called “peace”, given uncertain conditions in the world, is a difficult place to occupy...just a thought.   When we speak to our children, we should tell them that trying to achieve peace is a tough thing to do.

H: We should be giving them credit for even trying to do it.

L: Peace itself is a challenging concept for young child to comprehend. How can you get a young child who may have had a rough day on the playground – where he or she may have had a fight with another classmate - to appreciate peace?

H: Someone may have to step in and approach each one of the kids and tell them what is good about each of them.  Not just focus on the specific event that may have lead up to the disagreement, or the argument, or the fight.

L: You are suggesting that you try to roll back the tape for each party, to the point before the incident occurred…

H: And point out to each one what things were like before this event happened.  Remind them that they were friends.  So, try to go back to that state and look through or past the event that caused this rift.

L: The Mishnah is in effect saying in order to pursue peace, rewind the tape.

H: Yes!

Big Brother: A 2000-year-old warning

Chapter 1, Mishnah 11

אַבְטַלְיוֹן אוֹמֵר, חֲכָמִים, הִזָּהֲרוּ בְדִבְרֵיכֶם, שֶׁמָּא תָחוּבוּ חוֹבַת גָּלוּת וְתִגְלוּ לִמְקוֹם מַיִם הָרָעִים, וְיִשְׁתּוּ הַתַּלְמִידִים הַבָּאִים אַחֲרֵיכֶם וְיָמוּתוּ, וְנִמְצָא שֵׁם שָׁמַיִם מִתְחַלֵּל:

Avtalyon used to say: Sages be careful with your words, lest you incur the penalty of exile, and be carried off to a place of evil waters [heresy], and the disciples who follow you drink and die, and thus the Heavenly Name of heaven becomes profaned.

L: Whoo! I guess we are in the upbeat section of the Mishnah.  Let’s hear what Bunim has to say at the opening:

In the context of his own time, ruled by a dictatorial power, Avtalyon may imply a warning against indiscreet criticism of the ruling group, for it most certainly will lead to exile. Once in a hostile environment, saturated with the “evil waters” of strange philosophies, your disciples might succumb and imbibe these ideas. The ultimate consequences will be that the name of Heaven will be desecrated.

Does this sound a bit like Big Brother is watching you?

H: Yes. [followed by laughter]

L: If this Mishnah had been written today, would it have been included in our text – or excluded?

H: Well, I think the “strange philosophies” would still hold today. Because there are people who come out of Orthodox homes and go to India or to gurus…their ideas are “strange” vis-à-vis the approach to life they were brought up with.

L: So, you’re not saying this is discussing “ruling powers” as much as it is other so-called foreign cultures.  You then begin to follow those cultures, or those religions and others will follow you into those religions.  Is that, more or less, the point your making?

H: I believe that’s correct.

L: The way I see it is that Avtalyon and his contemporaries were living under the oppressive rule of Rome.  But this Mishnah could be interpreted in a slightly different way: Be careful what you say. Someone could be listening to your heretical statements and declare you an enemy of the state.

H: Yes, that’s a fair interpretation.

L:  We live in a time that is different from that of the Mishnah. Would the warning we read here still apply today, here in this country?  Is this one interpretation of the Mishnah outmoded today?

H: I think it depends what type of government is in place. In the United States where there is freedom of expression, it isn’t much of an issue. But in the case of dictators – and there are still plenty of dictators around the world – then it would still apply.

L: If you are Myanmar or in China, you would say that this warning still applies.  Even in London, there are thousands and thousands of cameras that watch your every move; not quite a Myanmar parallel but nonetheless there’s little privacy when compared to Brookline (Massachusetts), where public cameras are essentially banned.

H: Yes, in those countries you can worry about being overheard and reported to the authorities.  

L: Turning to our children or grandchildren, at what age can we have that talk? Or, how young is too young to have this conversation with a son, grandson, daughter or granddaughter?  How do you talk about this Mishnah without scaring the daylights out of them?

H: Well, maybe you try to shield them from this as long as you can, until they actually are able to absorb it and the is not so scary.  

L: I don’t know, Howie. I read this Mishnah as an adult, and I’m scared!

H: [laughter]

L: Think about it. What if we were living in Beijing at this very moment? We might want to warn our 2-year-old, forget waiting until they are teenagers.   But the larger question: Is there a way that you can impart this message to a child where they still feel secure and not afraid of everything?

H: I am not sure there is a perfect way to teach this message. Just listen to your own words, how even you [a grandparent] may be scared out of his wits regarding this topic. So, I would conclude that there is no easy way or just-the-right moment to teach this lesson.

L: There’s no formula, no 1-2-3 process to find that moment.

H: Correct.

Love work, hate lordship

Chapter 1, Mishnah 10

שְׁמַעְיָה וְאַבְטַלְיוֹן קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. שְׁמַעְיָה אוֹמֵר, אֱהֹב אֶת הַמְּלָאכָה, וּשְׂנָא אֶת הָרַבָּנוּת, וְאַל תִּתְוַדַּע לָרָשׁוּת:

Shemaiah and Abtalion received [the oral tradition] from them. Shemaiah used to say: love work, hate acting the superior, and do not attempt to draw near to the ruling authority.

L: Let’s open with a few words from Irving Bunim:

In the three-way struggle between the Pharisees, Sadducees and the house of Herod, the Sanhedrin, the highest religious institution of the Jewish people, often served as a pawn, now controlled by one group, now by another. A sense of disillusionment set in amongst the Rabbis about institutionalized offices of religion with their vested interests in the status quo and their dependence on prevailing political winds. Better to labor by the sweat of your brow than to accept public office: you will stay free of its corruption and compromise. “Love labor,” says Sh’mayah, and “hate lordship.” And if a man should claim that his education and knowledge of the Law make it unseemly for him to engage in menial labor, let him please take note that our tradition extols physical work and considers any gainful honest activity to be preferable to becoming dependent upon the com unity. Neither a man’s knowledge nor his religiosity alone obliges a community to “owe him a living.” Rabbi Yitzhak was a blacksmith, Rabbi Yohanan a shoemaker, and Hillel a wood-chopper. There is nothing shameful or degrading about getting your hands dirty doing valuable physical labor.

This is the day after Election Day. How appropriate to discuss this Mishnah.

In all seriousness, you need government. Whether you are Libertarian or not, you do need some government.  The Mishnah implies that everyone admits you need some form of structure around society. Without this structure, you don’t get bridges, roads, or schools built.  Governments are necessary and to run governments, you need politicians.

H: Right. Otherwise – without government – there would be anarchy.

L: Yes, that or [without government] nothing would get done.  Given this Mishnah, though, can you say anything positive about government?

H:  As you said, you can’t have chaos and government helps prevent chaos.  But with government, there has to be a compromise. Not too much, and not too little.

L: Though for Sh’mayah there is no moderation. He presents government as black-and-white, and mostly black.

H: Then, I would disagree with him that it’s not all black-and-white.

L: When it comes to not “seeking intimacy with a ruling power,” Bunim continues his black-and-white viewpoint. He writes;

As a general rule, this teaching would urge a rabbi to stay out of the more sordid aspects of politics and not to involve the power and prestige of his politicians in political contests merely for the sake of politics as such. Clearly, however, where principles are involved, we are not prepared to surrender the field to the power-politician.

As a Rabbi, you have a lot of power to influence people.  You cannot behave like a party boss, telling your congregants how to vote or for whom to vote.

I am trying to take a step back from this conversation and wonder what do you tell your children or grandchildren about government? Didn’t we both grow up with the notion that the highest aspiration was to become President of the United States.  Or, your parents would say to you, “Isn’t it great to become President of the United States? Wouldn’t you want to be President?”

H: No, I told them, I want to be a doctor!  [we both erupted into laughter].

L: In all seriousness. You learned about Washington, Lincoln, Kennedy…There was something admirable about them.

H: In that respect you are right. In fact, in the first televised debate between Kennedy and Nixon...

L: I recall my father watching Nixon on TV, probably in 1972 or 1973, muttering how he was a crook. [This was a year or two before Watergate broke].  I couldn’t believe my father would say that about a sitting President.

What would you say to your grandson about the Mishnah, especially when Sh’mayah says “love work, but hate those in domineering position?   Do not become intimate with the ruling power.  Do not nuzzle up to the local power broker.  What would you say to your grandson, Howie?

H: I don’t really know. Because a kid that age (4 or 5 years old), they would be feeling the opposite.  They generally look up to adults.

L: What if Eli was now a budding teenager? Would you have a different conversation with him?

H: Yes, you would say, respect people who are not power seekers and people who engage in gainful employment.

L: You know, as adults, many of us follow or admire others who receive the most followers in social media, or those who are famous. And the teenager sees his or her Dad as doing some menial labor…not holding some glorious position in society.

H: Yes, in today’s world menial labor may be gainful employment but people may not respect it.

L: By nature, people are drawn to fame or famous people.

H: That’s correct.  That’s for sure.

L: This Mishnah predates social media by 1900 years but they got it. The writers understood. They are saying what appears obvious [but may be dismissed]: Love the work!

H: For many of the people who work, who do their jobs, may find the work boring.  Forget not being respect by others; they may not respect themselves for the work they do.

L: My father-in-law studied law and received a law degree. He was also became a CPA.  Then a family member died and he was called by his aunt to take over the family business. This is not something he ever imagined he would do. He was already – at just 25 years old – a corporate counsel to a major business. He left it to take over this family enterprise.

I’m telling you this because a couple of weeks ago, we were visiting my mother-in-law and spotted on his old desk an award plaque given to him by his employees many years ago.  It said, “To commemorate 25 years of dedicated leadership, unrivaled fairness, and unique compassion.”

My father-in-law did hard work in a different way. He didn’t dig ditches but he did help retail stores run better. I was not glamorous work but it was good, solid, honest work.

H: He was a people person.

L: He didn’t seek fame or power. He just wanted to have a good life and enjoy his family. Part of “having a good life,” is to work hard and work smartly. This may be going off track…

Bunim said, don’t become intimate with the ruling power…

H: Don’t lord over other people…and don’t be Baal Gaava [one who seeks fame, seeks favor, in this context].   

“Time out”: A judge’s most powerful tool?

Chapter 1, Mishnah 9

שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן שָׁטָח אוֹמֵר, הֱוֵי מַרְבֶּה לַחְקֹר אֶת הָעֵדִים, וֶהֱוֵי זָהִיר בִּדְבָרֶיךָ, שֶׁמָּא מִתּוֹכָם יִלְמְדוּ לְשַׁקֵּר:

Shimon ben Shetach used to say: be thorough in the interrogation of witnesses, and be careful with your words, lest from them they learn to lie.

L: What do you think? Should we begin with Bunim?

H: Before you talk about what Irving Bunim has to say, let’s first examine the language.    ַלַחְקֹר (does not necessarily mean “to examine.”  It really means to examine something in depth.

L: Yes, I appreciate your point.  My question, though, is about the last part of this short Mishnah, the part about being really careful in the words you use when talking to these witnesses.  What does the Mishnah mean when it says “be careful of your words, lest through them they [the witnesses] learn to lie”?

H: I believe it implies that if you do not use words carefully when speaking to the witnesses, you can actually lead them to lie.

L: You know, if I were a judge and took this advice to heart, I might start double-thinking myself. Should I say anything? After all, I don’t want to cause someone to lie in the court.

H: (laughing) Maybe you want someone else to jump in and talk to the witnesses. But there is no one else. You are it.

L: Yes, you are the judge. It’s your job to move the hearing along.  You have to –

H: …say something

L: It’s not a job I would like to have.  When there’s a dispute, I tend not to be the one who steps in the middle. I’d prefer the parties to talk it through by themselves without the intervention of a judge…let’s see what Bunim has to say about this.

“One of the more reliable sings of true testimony is the ability of the witness to ‘stick to his story.’ Should a witness be giving a false account there is the tendency to vary his report at teach telling. Effective cross-examination therefore, requires that the witness be approached repeatedly with seemingly different questions which actually cover the same ground from different angles. Be searching in your examination of witnesses by being repetitious and thorough.”

“Be extremely careful with your questions, however, lest from you words they learn to falsify.’

 There is an almost unconscious tendency to phrase our sentences in a leading manner which might indicate to the discerning the answer we would like to receive. Modern psychology has confirmed this important insight to the point where it is recognized that even the inflection and tone of an interviewer asking questions in a poll can affect the results he will get.”

H: So, according to Bunim, this Mishnah leads back to what I said before. There is a negative here. You don’ t have the give-and-take in this type of courtroom, that should ordinarily would have with a judge.

L: Right. It sounds as if the witnesses cannot say anything until spoken to.

H: Correct.

L: So, it’s not a dialog that the judge is encouraging.

H: Correct.

L: The judge is asking questions, and the witness has to answer the questions.  What Bunim is saying about the judges is that they don’t want a dialog. They don’t want and back-and-forth. They don’t want to schmooze with you.

What you don’t have here is a “defense attorney” speaking to the plaintiff.

So, if the defendant is saying that ‘I dug a hole in my yard,’ the judge would ask, “Did you know about that hold.”

The neighbor’s animal wandered into the yard, fell into the hole, and is now injured. The judge will ask the witness if there was a fence, if the hole was somehow blocked off, etc., etc.

From what I read here the judge cannot blame anybody. He must ask the witness what he saw, questions that lead to the truth.  I realize this example is oversimplifying the detailed discussions on this subject brought by the Gemorah.

The judge just has to be careful not to become accusatory, when speaking to the witnesses.

Let’s look at this from another perspective. As a doctor, Howie, how did you deal with a patient that did not want to talk?  Look at this patient in terms of the Mishnah and getting witnesses to answer questions. How do you ask this patient questions if he or she does not want to talk?

H: I recall one patient – I even remember her name - where I walked into the room and instantly saw she was so angry that I said to her, “You know what. I’m going to see another patient and then I’ll come back to you and hope you will settle down, so that when I see you in a few minutes you and I can discuss your diagnosis and how I can help you.

L: And what happened when you returned?

H: She was all different.  She was calm and able to talk with me.

L: So, sometimes giving a person some space or time can help you have that conversation or ask probing questions.

H: Yes.

L: Here we go back to our children or grandchildren. Of course, we hope they never see the inside of a courtroom.   

H: You want to make sure that they understand that give-and-take is very important when you’re having a conversation, when you are trying to learn something from someone else.  Sometimes you have to give others time to think in order to have that give-and-take.  Like with my patient, that may mean you must allow the person time to settle down (particularly if they are agitated), so that when we pick up our conversation, we can get to where we need to go.

Should we become Judge Judy?

Chapter 1, Mishnah 8

יְהוּדָה בֶן טַבַּאי וְשִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן שָׁטָח קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. יְהוּדָה בֶן טַבַּאי אוֹמֵר, אַל תַּעַשׂ עַצְמְךָ כְעוֹרְכֵי הַדַּיָּנִין. וּכְשֶׁיִּהְיוּ בַעֲלֵי דִינִין עוֹמְדִים לְפָנֶיךָ, יִהְיוּ בְעֵינֶיךָ כִרְשָׁעִים. וּכְשֶׁנִּפְטָרִים מִלְּפָנֶיךָ, יִהְיוּ בְעֵינֶיךָ כְזַכָּאִין, כְּשֶׁקִּבְּלוּ עֲלֵיהֶם אֶת הַדִּין:

Judah ben Tabbai and Shimon ben Shetach received [the oral tradition] from them. Judah ben Tabbai said: do not [as a judge] play the part of an advocate; and when the litigants are standing before you, look upon them as if they were [both] guilty; and when they leave your presence, look upon them as if they were [both] innocent, when they have accepted the judgement.

L: How about we begin by reading the first few words of commentary from Irving Bunim.

“The term used in the Mishnah is or’che ha-dayyanim. In modern Hebrew, orech din means literally “one who arranges the argument before the judge”; it generally denotes an attorney or lawyer. In this sense, the statement would be an exhortation to judges not to inadvertently act as lawyers for either of the litigants; not to assist them even unwittingly by the type of questioning which they employ or in the reformulation of their claims."

Isn’t that what you want from any judge – this impartiality?

H: Right.

L: Again, Howie, if our grandchildren were in front of us what would we want them to hear from us about this Mishnah?

H: We would tell them that we all need to be just.

L: What does “just” mean here?

H: That we want them to do the right thing on behalf of the people who are the recipients of this particular judgement.

L: So, we are talking about either the plaintiff or the defendant. To be fair to both.  This type of situation probably comes up more than we would like to believe – even outside a courtroom.

For instance, we live in a very polarized world today, different political camps, different religious and ad social camps. Do we all become de facto judges in this world…do we tend to prejudge on people and the issues they may represent?

H: Yes, we all seem to judge something, some issue. We have to be fair and render an opinion, but not one that necessarily looks good to the world outside.

L: Whenever I watch network TV news, it is clear to me the broadcasters are extremely biased in their reporting – in effect, in their judgement of others.

H: Indeed, they are very biased, depending on whether or not they are a Democratic or a Republican. That’s correct.

L: If you would take the warning from this Mishnah, I would imagine you will find being a news anchor a very difficult position.  This has become a discussion than just that of how to run a courtroom and manage litigants.  What would we tell our kids about the world outside…

H: The world outside is a crazy place to be and is often not just.  You have to try, have the discipline to see that your behavior is proper.

L: Your behavior could be “proper,” as you say but someone takes you to court anyway. The dayan, the judge is facing you.

H: You can only do the best you can and present the strongest case possible, in an honest and forthright way. That’s really all you can do.

L: We’ve veered onto the courtroom floor. But let’s get back to the judge, the person sitting on the bench looking at the litigants.  How do you regard both parties as “innocents,” as the Mishnah demands? What kinds of questions can you ask each party that does not show bias on your part and that moves the trial forward?

H: It’s up to the judge to get to the truth behind the case.  He or she needs to uncover the true story from both sides.  The judge has a moral obligation that the litigants need to stop fighting with one another. That’s number one. And, number two, the judge must point out where they are wrong, so they won’t repeat the behavior that led to this moment.

L: I’m not so sure people will respond well to this kind of “moral obligation.” By saying “you’re wrong,” that simply sends me into a corner somewhere, rather than reconciling.

H: Yes, that’s true.

L: How do you make someone aware they are doing something wrong and own up to their mistake?

H: Ah, I’m not sure I have the answer to that.

L: If you can’t get adults to acknowledge their faults – at least right away – what can you do to set them on the path towards acknowledgement?

H: You need to try to get them to be more objective about their viewpoint.

L: What gives you objectivity? Especially, when you are in the middle of a battle? What can you do?

H: I am not sure. What do you suggest?

L: Maybe asking each of the parties to take a step back. Let them cool off, as they often do during labor negotiations.

H: Yes, all well and good. But how do they get them to do that? Maybe if they cool down a bit and bring in other people, other opinions. And for children to bring in their mothers or fathers, or brothers or sisters – just get another viewpoint.

L: Hmmm…a good thought. Because a parent may step in and suggest to you, “Have you ever thought about the other person, and what they were thinking?”

To intervene or walk away?

Chapter 1, Mishnah 7

נִתַּאי הָאַרְבֵּלִי אוֹמֵר, הַרְחֵק מִשָּׁכֵן רָע, וְאַל תִּתְחַבֵּר לָרָשָׁע, וְאַל תִּתְיָאֵשׁ מִן הַפֻּרְעָנוּת:

Nittai the Arbelite used to say: keep a distance from an evil neighbor, do not become attached to the wicked, and do not abandon faith in [divine] retribution.

L: This Mishnah seems to explore the darker side of human nature.

H: Yes, it is the flipside of the prior Mishnayot.

L:  That’s right. In the prior paragraphs, the Mishnah discussed acquiring a friend, judge every person fairly, and so on.  Here, we need to listen to the teachings that say that world is not always so pretty.

But how do we relate this or restate this for our grandchildren? They are very young and live with their parents. They are somewhat sheltered from “wicked” people. How do we help them understand the lessons here?  They generally – and hopefully – will not confront “evil neighbors” for many years to come.

H: Yes, it is difficult for them to appreciate the statements in this Mishnah.

L: All I know, is that when I was a young kid, I wanted to be accepted by classmates. “Keeping a distance” from someone was not even in my vocabulary.  At the same time, you do not want to taint or sway your child’s thinking by saying “watch out” there are many bad people out there. You want that child to think that the “glass is generally half-full” in this world, not “half empty.”

For instance, what did you say to one of your daughters when they came home from a day in grade school, complaining that they had a bad day and were taken advantage of by a classmate?

H: I first said that you can’t judge someone based on one incident.

L: You have to imaging that when נִתַּאי הָאַרְבֵּלִי said this is was not the first time that this neighbor behaved badly.  This behavior by the neighbor was part of a pattern, day after day.

H: I would say that to our grandchildren we would say, you need to give this person a second and even a third chance before giving up on them.

L: But would you intercede at some point to prevent further “bad behavior”?

H: It depends on the person.

My mother was an interventionist.

L: How so?

H: She would go to a teacher or a playmate and tell them off [almost immediately] for what they’ve done. My father, on the other hand, did not intercede as often or as quickly. He would have said, “C’mon, give him a break. He might behave better the next time.”

L: According to one commentator, Pirkei d’Rabbi Eliezer, “Any association with the wicked is considered detrimental even if one does not learn to imitate their actions. The exposure itself causes a negative influence to rub off, much as one who enters the house of a tanner absorbs the foul odor even if he takes nothing from the house.”

So, it sounds as if your mother took this interpretation to heart.

H: Yes, my mother would go directly to the teacher, or to the parent, or the kid himself.

L: Did that solve the problem.

H: (with a smile) Sometimes yes, and sometimes no.  Sometimes it made the problem worse.

L: Considering all this, what advice would you give your grandchildren if they encounter someone like this?

H: If you encounter a “really” bad neighbor, my advice, if it’s possible, is to walk away from them. What else can you do?

L: At the end of this Mishnah, it does say don’t “abandon faith in [divine] retribution.”

H: He’s saying let it roll off your back. Walk away because you really have no choice.  Besides, according to the Mishnah, this person will receive his punishment later on.

Acquire a “friend”. Or, is it a “cabal”?

Chapter 1, Mishnah 6

יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה וְנִתַּאי הָאַרְבֵּלִיקִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה לְךָ רַב, וּקְנֵה לְךָ חָבֵר, וֶהֱוֵי דָן אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת:

Joshua ben Perahiah and Nittai the Arbelite received [the oral tradition] from them. Joshua ben Perahiah used to say: appoint for thyself a teacher, and acquire for yourself a companion and judge all men with the scale weighted in his favor.

L: This is a wonderful maxim. Pirkei Avot is full of maxims.  Does this Mishnah have any particular import, when we are talking to our grandchildren?

H: Yes, for one we should learn from our elders.  And, you will only learn if you are open and prepared to learn and to listen to others – especially your elders.

L: Let’s examine “appoint for yourself a teacher.”

H: That is a teacher, in the broad sense.

L: What about the use of the verb עֲשֵׂה, “make”? That’s a very active [almost forceful] verb…Let me ask you, though, you spoke about the need and willingness to learn from your elders. Do you feel that a teacher, a רַב, has to be older?

H: No, let me correct myself. A teacher can be “older” and wiser in learning.

L: So, you folded under cross-examination? [winking]

H: [Laughs]

L: What can you really learn from someone who is considerably younger than you but who has smicha?

H: You might not think that is the case. Yet, a younger individual can have an expertise, a special area of learning that you can draw from.

L: How literally do we understand the word רַב? You would say that Rav means teacher?

H: Right.

L:  So, I’m going to lead the witness once again here. Does this teacher have to have smicha?

H: Not necessarily. There’s nowhere in the מאמר, in the language or expression [of the Mishnah], to imply that a teacher, a רַב, has to have smichah.  In fact, Irving Bunim, did not have smichah. I remember those Pirkei Avot sessions in Borough Park.  He spoke either before Mincha or between Mincha and Maariv on Shabbat.

L: So, what if the teacher discussed in this Mishnah, is also teaching us physics? Do you think that this Mishnah is also including the teaching of secular knowledge.  Or is the Mishnah just talking about Mesorah, tradition?

H: They are just talking about Mesorah. But in the broad sense it is conceivable they were talking about learning in general.

L: That’s right. If you look at the Rambam…

H: That’s right. Look at how broad his base of knowledge was in all areas. 

L: He talked about the planets, about medicine, about biology, whatever relevant knowledge he accumulated in the Middle Ages, he rolled into his learning.

H: The center of the discussion [ in this Mishnah] is Mesorah, but you can include in that many areas of expertise.

L: Moving on to the next portion of the Mishnah, וּקְנֵה לְךָ חָבֵר, acquire for yourself a companion.

H: You can even spend money to have a Chaver.

L: Really?

H: Yes, you can even spend money on a Chaver who is good to you.

L: As I learned it, קנין (Kinyan), making an acquisition means to buy or purchase. Is that what the Mishnah really means here? Is the phrase that literal here?

H: I think it can be but it doesn’t necessarily have to be.

[Irving Bunim, in his commentary, states that: “Friendship, however, is a relationship of give-and-take. A friend, therefore, has to be “bought,” not with money of course, but with attention, concern and love. Friendship does not come gratis; it requires your time and regard…”]

L: How would you acquire a friend in that way? I suppose you could invite someone to join you for a cup of coffee at a shop and tell him, “It’s my treat.” And, over time a friendship develops.

How do you convey that to your very young grandchild? Is telling him to share his toys in the sandbox? Or is it when you say to your new-found friend, “My mother baked a cake? Do you want to have a piece?”

H: [Chuckles] Could be.

L: Why is acquiring a friend so important, period? What does it have to with “make or appoint for yourself a teacher”? Why are these somehow connected in this Mishnah?

H: That learning [and learning with friends] is all tied together with the Mesorah, the tradition.  It’s also about sharing an experience.

L: For instance, do you remember studying for exams…

[Here is where our discussion took a bit of mischievous detour. Howie began reminiscing about stickball games he played with his friends on the streets of Borough Park. He also confessed to another group activity with his friends, a system his class arranged during the last months of his senior year].

H: Yes, we had set up a system the Yeshiva of Flatbush during my senior year, where on top of the PA speaker we placed a light.  Based on the number of times the light blinked, we could indicate whether the answer was true or false.

This went on for a while before the teachers caught on to us.  [The teachers didn’t know about this for a few months. The PA speaker sat above, in back of the teacher’s desk. It was out of sight of the teacher sitting beneath it]. I was the one on who clicked the answers. A class friend who was very handy with electrical wiring rigged it up.

L: So, “acquire for yourself a friend” has a new meaning.

H: Yes [followed by a hearty laugh].

[Howie told me his was the top class in the grade and that most of the students were A-students. This scheme was more of beat-the-system challenge for his friends than it was a way to improve their marks.]

L: How about the last piece of the Mishnah?  וֶהֱוֵי דָן אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת, “judge all men with the scale weighted in his favor,” or “judge all men fairly.”

Just to be clear, this is not describing a court room, a trial?  If taken to its extreme, does this phrase imply that we all become suckers, that we always give someone a “pass”?

H: No, it does not mean that we always give someone a pass.

L: You mean that if there are extenuating circumstances…

H: In general, we give that person the benefit of the doubt if they merited it.

L: I can tell you, from my own experiences – and a message to our grandchildren…That I think with our family we often don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. We may frequently treat friends more fairly than we do our family members. 

If you look at the Mishnah, it appears that it progresses inward – from teacher, to friend, then to family.

Do you think that we often don’t cut our family enough slack when we should?

H: Yes, you are right. We often don’t but it would be a good idea to do so.

L: A teacher, a rabbi. That relationship is sacrosanct. You do not judge a rabbi. A friend. He is your friend because you trust him. You nearly always give him the benefit of the doubt. That’s why he is your friend. But a family member….?

H: [Smiles] Yes, that is up for grabs.

Do not indulge in too much conversation with your wife! Hmm…

Chapter 1, Mishnah 5

יוֹסֵי בֶן יוֹחָנָן אִישׁ יְרוּשָׁלַיִם אוֹמֵר, יְהִי בֵיתְךָ פָתוּחַ לִרְוָחָה, וְיִהְיוּ עֲנִיִּים בְּנֵי בֵיתֶךָ, וְאַל תַּרְבֶּה שִׂיחָה עִם הָאִשָּׁה. בְּאִשְׁתּוֹ אָמְרוּ, קַל וָחֹמֶר בְּאֵשֶׁת חֲבֵרוֹ. מִכָּאן אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים, כָּל זְמַן שֶׁאָדָם מַרְבֶּה שִׂיחָה עִם הָאִשָּׁה, גּוֹרֵם רָעָה לְעַצְמוֹ, וּבוֹטֵל מִדִּבְרֵי תוֹרָה, וְסוֹפוֹ יוֹרֵשׁ גֵּיהִנֹּם:

Yose ben Yochanan (a man) of Jerusalem used to say: Let thy house be wide open, and let the poor be members of thy household. Engage not in too much conversation with women. They said this with regard to one’s own wife, how much more [does the rule apply] with regard to another man’s wife. From here the Sages said: as long as a man engages in too much conversation with women, he causes evil to himself, he neglects the study of the Torah, and in the end, he will inherit Gehinnom [suffer purgatory].

L:  …So, fraternizing with women will place you in purgatory.  [Thought bubble: I don’t know how I’m going to place this Mishnah on the website!]

H: [Chuckles]

L: But in all seriousness, why does Yose ben Yochanan talk about opening up your house to the poor, then suddenly move to “do not gossip”? Here’s what Irving Bunim has to say:

“The Talmud relates that there were signs along the road of Israel pointing the way to the Cities of Refuge, to which a man guilty of unintentional manslaughter could flee. Yet for the pilgrim on his way to Jerusalem there were no signs! Why? Well, when there were no signs, the traveler must ask directions. Tradition did not want the man guilty of manslaughter knocking at your door and having contract with you and your family. Let him get as quickly as possible to the City of Refuge.  On the other hand, the oleh regel journeying to the Temple was performing a mitzvah at great effort and expense.  Let him ask directions. Let him enter your home and meet your children. Here is a Jew on his way to the Holy City to celebrate yom tov! There is delight in the atmosphere he brings: “Let you home be open wide.”

So, Bunim is not necessarily talking about poor people…

H: Yes, you are right. Open your house to anyone who comes to you for help. 

L: Bunim adds something interesting here. He says…

“It is also possible to translate this Hebrew dictum in our Mishnah in a different sense: Let the members of your household become “poor.” Suppose you suddenly find a chance to have a few unexpected guests for Sabbath, but your wife has had no time to prepare for them. Then let you guests come first. You, your wife and your children can share what is left…

H: That’s interesting. He is saying that you can open up your home to others. Your guests come first, but that doesn’t mean that you suddenly become poor because you are cooking for others, giving them your food.

L: So far, we don’t understand the Mishnah’s segue regarding “conversation with women.” What does Bunim say about the phrase “Do not indulge in too much conversation with your wife?”

Here is one of Bunim’s musings about “too much conversation”:

“The word sihah means ‘idle talk.’ The Mishnah is, in effect, advising a man not restrict his wife’s companionship to the level of idle chatter. Elevate your level of communication with your wife. Instead of ‘where the Goldsteins are spending their vacation,’ discuss which Yeshivah to choose for your child. Instead of the ‘new fur coast now displayed by Mrs. Cohen,’ discuss your future regarding the Land of Israel. Elevate your conversation of thought with the woman who is your helpmeet in life.’

H: The ‘Goldsteins’ are idle chatter and should not take the place of serious conversation and Divrei Torah.

L: Our conversations should reach a higher plain and not include a lot of shtus, or nonsense.  If we talk about nonsense, our kids and our grandchildren will very quickly see our behavior.  And if they see a lot of nonsense and chatter, that is how they will conduct themselves.

H: Correct. So, we have to be an example for them.

Zoom’s shortfall?

Chapter 1, Mishnah 4

יוֹסֵי בֶן יוֹעֶזֶר אִישׁ צְרֵדָה וְיוֹסֵי בֶן יוֹחָנָן אִישׁ יְרוּשָׁלַיִם קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. יוֹסֵי בֶן יוֹעֶזֶר אִישׁ צְרֵדָה אוֹמֵר, יְהִי בֵיתְךָ בֵית וַעַד לַחֲכָמִים, וֶהֱוֵי מִתְאַבֵּק בַּעֲפַר רַגְלֵיהֶם, וֶהֱוֵי שׁוֹתֶה בְצָמָא אֶת דִּבְרֵיהֶם

Yose ben Yoezer (a man) of Zeredah and Yose ben Yohanan [a man] of Jerusalem received [the oral tradition] from them [i.e., Shimon the Righteous and Antigonus]. Yose ben Yoezer used to say: let thy house be a house of meeting for the Sages and sit in the very dust of their feet and drink in their words with [great] thirst.

L: A first thought: In today’s world, I don’t think we fully appreciate how difficult and how precious it was to get a scholar to come to your house, and distances they had to travel in order to reach your home.  

An aside: I have a friend, a Jewish history scholar, who told me that during the Middle Ages (or during the times of the Mishnah, I imagine) it took two days to go from Yerushalayim to Yafo.  And here we are today, complaining how it took us an extra twenty minutes to get from Tel Aviv to Yerushalayim because there was a P’kak, a traffic jam, on Route 1!  Today, we have Zoom, the Internet, that allows teachers to enter your home almost any hour of the day or night.

H: Even more important. I think it’s important to add that you, the student, should appreciate everything a Rabbi teaches you. You should have a lot of respect for them.

L:  Irving Bunim, in his commentary, adds to your point, Howie. He says, “There are too many of us who consider having people visit our home an invasion of our privacy. Some, perhaps, fear the wear and tear on the furniture, or getting the house in the a ‘mess.’  Yet there can be no finer atmosphere with which to suffuse your home than that of learned meaningful discussion and the study of Torah. Let your children and grandchildren be exposed to such an environment. Let your neighbors see a home alive with the glories of Torah.”

Bunim does not even say anything about your children or grandchildren actually listening to the visiting scholar.

H: I suppose Bunim is staying that it is by osmosis that the grandchildren will learn from them. 

L: …even if you were a four-year-old child running around the house, you will absorb something from the atmosphere created in your home during a scholar’s visit.

Bunim further says, “If we wish, we can interpret the Mishnah to mean: wherever the wise congregate, make that your home.  Frequent the study hall; spend time with those intellectually alive. Make the study hall your second home.”

I don’t know about you, but I haven’t done that for quite a while.

If Bunim were writing today, what would he say about learning through Zoom, as we had to do during Covid?

H: I think he would say that pick yourself up, bring in that scholar or go to shiur, and make something of your learning opportunity.

L: You’re right. We should not just pick up a mouse and click into a session.  What impression do your grandchildren have when seeing you learning on a Zoom session.  The child may think, “Oh Dad, or Zeide, is ignoring me again!”

Praying for its own sake? How unnatural.

Chapter 1, Mishnah 3:

אַנְטִיגְנוֹס אִישׁ סוֹכוֹ קִבֵּל מִשִּׁמְעוֹן הַצַּדִּיק. הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, אַל תִּהְיוּ כַעֲבָדִים הַמְשַׁמְּשִׁין אֶת הָרַב עַל מְנָת לְקַבֵּל פְּרָס, אֶלָּא הֱווּ כַעֲבָדִים הַמְשַׁמְּשִׁין אֶת הָרַב שֶׁלֹּא עַל מְנָת לְקַבֵּל פְּרָס, וִיהִי מוֹרָא שָׁמַיִם עֲלֵיכֶם

Antigonus a man of Socho received [the oral tradition] from Shimon the Righteous. He used to say: do not be like servants who serve the master in the expectation of receiving a reward, but be like servants who serve the master without the expectation of receiving a reward, and let the fear of Heaven be upon you.

L: This Mishnah sounds straightforward. This is not so much about humility (a topic we will cover later)…

H: This is telling us you are not supposed to garner a favor. Instead, you are supposed serve God, pray to God for its own sake.

L: You know, in this world we are trained as human beings to…

H: …to do just the opposite.

L:  Yes. Psychologists will tell us that we respond to reward. Just look at the Skinner Box experiments. You ring the bell you get the cheese. This Mishnah goes counter to human nature.  Living life is not all about altruism.

H: Correct. Most of life is not about altruism. So, it’s nice to find a piece of your life that isn’t [all about reward and being rewarded].

L: So, davening (praying) to God is that moment when you don’t have to think about earning a living, getting a reward. In fact, when you daven, you are expected to do good work, in fact really good work, excellent work – and not get rewarded for it.

Howie, what would you say to your grandson? How do you explain the need to “do good work” to daven well and not to get any reward?

H: I would say to little Eli, “Don’t be selfish.”

L: I’m not sure I understand. How would you see him perceiving this concept, understanding it at this young age?

H: I would tell him, for example, when you have friends, share with them.

L: …and don’t expect a thank you. Just the experience of sharing, of giving, has its own satisfaction, is its own reward.

But the end of the Mishnah does not talk about “satisfaction” at all. It ends “and let the fear of Heaven by upon you.” So, Antigonus is saying pray. And while you pray don’t expect reward and fear Heaven. 

H: [The bottom line is] Do it. Pray for its own sake.

L: Let me pull out Irving Bunim once again. He offers an analogy. He says, “A mother asks her child for a glass of water. Surely the pleasure of serving the mother he loves stands higher than any material compensation. The general of a mighty army requests your presence. You appear, of course, regardless of personal gain. And what if a great emperor should come to our door and make a request? We would feel ourselves honored by his glory and greatness, and would go out of our way to comply.”

So, he says that the fear is channeled in a good way.

H: Right.

Wow! It’s all about our words.

Chapter 1: Mishnah 1: Moses received the Torah at Sinai and transmitted it to Joshua, Joshua to the elders, and the elders to the prophets, and the prophets to the Men of the Great Assembly. They said three things: Be deliberate in judging, raise up many disciples and make a fence around the Torah.

L: Of all the ideas and guidelines in the Torah, why did this first statement in all of Pirkei Avot pick these three principles of “be deliberate in judgement, raise up many disciples, and make a fence around the Torah”? What makes these three principles so fundamental?

H: First of all, this Mishnah gives you the lineage of the Talmud.  They give you these principles to live by. They are the most important general guidelines.

L: Why is “Be deliberate in the law” so fundamental?

H: …because the law is the basis upon which our Halacha is determined.

L: Why the word “deliberate”?  The way I see it, it means don’t race to judgement. But according to some commentators, this choice of words is meant to tell you to consider the specific situation and not simply apply general, broad guidelines. Pay attention to the particular case at hand.

H: Yes, do not hurry, do not rush what you feel you have to say to your friends, your family, your parents.  Consider what you are going to say and the impact it will have before you have that conversation.

L: How about the next phrase, “raise up many disciples.” What does that imply?

H: Get people who are going to learn from you.

L: So, what does this mean for our grandchildren? What are we going to tell them?

H: We should tell them, “Listen!”  Pay attention to what your friends and your parents are saying to you.  Learn from what they are teaching you. And you in turn can teach others the same things…so this way, the Mesorah (the tradition) is passed along. By following this advice, each of us can become both teachers and students to others.

L: I read something else from these words. Even if you learn day and night but keep all this knowledge to yourself and you share it with no one. That is a selfish act. No one will learn from you or can ask you questions – which you, in turn, can learn from. If everyone followed this behavior, the tradition would die.

L: How about the last dictum, “make a fence around the Torah”? What is that teaching us?

H: This is preventing us from becoming sinners.

L: …after all, this is a world without limitations…

H: Yes, in this world you can do whatever you want. So, the Torah is teaching you that is not how your life should be lived.

L: How should you live your life?

H: We go back full circle. You should be fair in your judgements [of others], and you should pass on your wisdom to others.  And make sure you don’t even come close to doing the wrong thing. What I mean here is that you should not do anything that in and of itself is not a sin but could lead you to do a sin.

L: You are going back to the idea of implications. Most of these implications refer to words, things you say, not so much the actions you take.

C: (Clara, Howie’s wife, and the grandmother in this dialog, adds): It’s not so much what you say as how you say it. That is a principle I believe in. It certainly helps us when you connect with other people…

L: You’re so right. You are not going to get anyone to listen to you if don’t speak nicely to them.

C: I learned this from Rabbi Wolgemuth many years ago from the way he taught [our children and members of our community]. It was not necessarily what he taught that made his teaching so successful. It was how he taught. He expressed himself so kindly and gently to all his students.

H: He had something good to say about each of his students, no matter their level of achievement.

L: This is why he had so many students. This Mishnah only teaches you to have many students; it is not a manual telling you how to do that.

H: As a teacher, he was really superb.

L: And, the last item, “build a fence around the Torah.” What does that mean? What does that imply? It is telling us that we have to have limits.

H: Right. You cannot have chaos or anarchy. You have to have rules by which to guide your life.

L: Otherwise, we waste energy or fail to make progress in many ways…It sounds like a paradox. Sometimes limitations can free you.

They are always watching.

Chapter 1  Mishnah 2

Shimon the Righteous was one of the last of the men of the great assembly. He used to say: the world stands upon three things: the Torah, Worship, and the practice of showing kindness (good deeds).

L:  I’m curious, with respect to Torah, Worship, and Good Deeds, is there a reason it’s in the order it’s in?

H: That’s a good question.  I would say that the implication is it is all based on Torah. For without Torah in your life, you won’t have Worship or Good Deeds.  Torah provides the foundation.

L: There’s nothing to daven (pray) to if there’s no Torah behind it.

H: Correct.

L: And at the end of the day, both (Torah and Worship) are there to encourage you to do Good Deeds.

H: Correct.

L: These maxims sound awfully simplistic.  You know I’m reading from Irving Bunim’s commentary on Avot. He goes on for pages about this tiny Mishnah…

H: You know he was in the Young Israel of Boro Park when I was there. He used to give these shiurim (lectures) live between Mincha and Maariv (afternoon and evening prayers) on Shabbos.  I remember his lectures. He was somewhat of a charismatic thinker and teacher. The way he presented the chapters…he had rapt attention from the people who attended.

L: Was he the Rav (rabbi) of a shul?

H: No, he wasn’t even a Rav. He was a learned man who took particular interest in Pirkei Avot.

L: What Bunim says about this troika in his three-volume work, Ethics from Sinai, about Torah, Worship and Good Deeds, is: “When the Jew engages in all three of these activities he is, in effect, engaging all levels of his being in the service of God. He is thinking, speaking, and doing Judaism. For in Torah, the mind, the intellectual process of thought is primary. In avodah, speech, expression is the main element. In g’milath hasadim (good deeds), it is the deed, the act that is important.”

This is interesting. For only in Worship is speech involved. Torah, you could be reading something or listening to someone else lecture. And in Good Deeds, you could be a deaf-mute. It may have nothing to do with speech at all.  It’s only your actions that would matter.

L: He goes on, “It is apparent, then, that the primacy of Torah is logical as well as chronological. Torah is ever the prerequisite and a vital ingredient of both avodah (Worship) and g’miluth hasadim (Good Deeds). If you wish to serve God but are ignorant of Torah, you cannot appreciate Godliness or know how to seek the Almighty. The more Torah you have acquired, the greater will be your awareness of how awesome is the Master of the universe, before Whom we stand in prayer. For truly profound avodah you must first have Torah.”

“By the same token Torah must pave the way for true g’milath hasadim (Good Deeds). The exercise of kindness is not simply the expression of sentimental emotions. Torah must guide us on the proper shift of such emotions and the proper measure of such emotions.”

H: He’s saying that without Torah, what’s the point.

L: …people do good deeds all the time. Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts do good deeds all the time and receive Merit Badges.  Here, he’s telling you that there is a greater purpose.

L: You could reverse the order [of Torah, Worship, and Good Deeds].  I’m thinking about our kids. While Torah is the foundation, your kids will often learn from you by watching what you do, not what you say. In that case, Good Deeds becomes the primary teaching tool. They watch you and they learn.

H: Correct. They are always watching.