Do not indulge in too much conversation with your wife! Hmm…
Chapter 1, Mishnah 5
יוֹסֵי בֶן יוֹחָנָן אִישׁ יְרוּשָׁלַיִם אוֹמֵר, יְהִי בֵיתְךָ פָתוּחַ לִרְוָחָה, וְיִהְיוּ עֲנִיִּים בְּנֵי בֵיתֶךָ, וְאַל תַּרְבֶּה שִׂיחָה עִם הָאִשָּׁה. בְּאִשְׁתּוֹ אָמְרוּ, קַל וָחֹמֶר בְּאֵשֶׁת חֲבֵרוֹ. מִכָּאן אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים, כָּל זְמַן שֶׁאָדָם מַרְבֶּה שִׂיחָה עִם הָאִשָּׁה, גּוֹרֵם רָעָה לְעַצְמוֹ, וּבוֹטֵל מִדִּבְרֵי תוֹרָה, וְסוֹפוֹ יוֹרֵשׁ גֵּיהִנֹּם:
Yose ben Yochanan (a man) of Jerusalem used to say: Let thy house be wide open, and let the poor be members of thy household. Engage not in too much conversation with women. They said this with regard to one’s own wife, how much more [does the rule apply] with regard to another man’s wife. From here the Sages said: as long as a man engages in too much conversation with women, he causes evil to himself, he neglects the study of the Torah, and in the end, he will inherit Gehinnom [suffer purgatory].
L: …So, fraternizing with women will place you in purgatory. [Thought bubble: I don’t know how I’m going to place this Mishnah on the website!]
H: [Chuckles]
L: But in all seriousness, why does Yose ben Yochanan talk about opening up your house to the poor, then suddenly move to “do not gossip”? Here’s what Irving Bunim has to say:
“The Talmud relates that there were signs along the road of Israel pointing the way to the Cities of Refuge, to which a man guilty of unintentional manslaughter could flee. Yet for the pilgrim on his way to Jerusalem there were no signs! Why? Well, when there were no signs, the traveler must ask directions. Tradition did not want the man guilty of manslaughter knocking at your door and having contract with you and your family. Let him get as quickly as possible to the City of Refuge. On the other hand, the oleh regel journeying to the Temple was performing a mitzvah at great effort and expense. Let him ask directions. Let him enter your home and meet your children. Here is a Jew on his way to the Holy City to celebrate yom tov! There is delight in the atmosphere he brings: “Let you home be open wide.”
So, Bunim is not necessarily talking about poor people…
H: Yes, you are right. Open your house to anyone who comes to you for help.
L: Bunim adds something interesting here. He says…
“It is also possible to translate this Hebrew dictum in our Mishnah in a different sense: Let the members of your household become “poor.” Suppose you suddenly find a chance to have a few unexpected guests for Sabbath, but your wife has had no time to prepare for them. Then let you guests come first. You, your wife and your children can share what is left…
H: That’s interesting. He is saying that you can open up your home to others. Your guests come first, but that doesn’t mean that you suddenly become poor because you are cooking for others, giving them your food.
L: So far, we don’t understand the Mishnah’s segue regarding “conversation with women.” What does Bunim say about the phrase “Do not indulge in too much conversation with your wife?”
Here is one of Bunim’s musings about “too much conversation”:
“The word sihah means ‘idle talk.’ The Mishnah is, in effect, advising a man not restrict his wife’s companionship to the level of idle chatter. Elevate your level of communication with your wife. Instead of ‘where the Goldsteins are spending their vacation,’ discuss which Yeshivah to choose for your child. Instead of the ‘new fur coast now displayed by Mrs. Cohen,’ discuss your future regarding the Land of Israel. Elevate your conversation of thought with the woman who is your helpmeet in life.’
H: The ‘Goldsteins’ are idle chatter and should not take the place of serious conversation and Divrei Torah.
L: Our conversations should reach a higher plain and not include a lot of shtus, or nonsense. If we talk about nonsense, our kids and our grandchildren will very quickly see our behavior. And if they see a lot of nonsense and chatter, that is how they will conduct themselves.
H: Correct. So, we have to be an example for them.