Too much yapping. Not enough listening. A personal lesson from the Rav.

Chapter 1, Mishnah 17

שִׁמְעוֹן בְּנוֹ אוֹמֵר, כָּל יָמַי גָּדַלְתִּי בֵין הַחֲכָמִים, וְלֹא מָצָאתִי לַגּוּף טוֹב אֶלָּא שְׁתִיקָה. וְלֹא הַמִּדְרָשׁ הוּא הָעִקָּר, אֶלָּא הַמַּעֲשֶׂה. וְכָל הַמַּרְבֶּה דְבָרִים, מֵבִיא חֵטְא:

Shimon, his (Shamai’s) son, used to say: all my days I grew up among the sages, and I have found nothing better for a person than silence. Study is not the most important thing, but actions; whoever indulges in too many words brings about sin.

Lenny: What a perfect Mishnah for the social media age!

Howie: Agreed.  Let’s look at Bunim and we can then think about this and discuss the implications.

“Tradition in general considers silence as praiseworthy.  Ecclesiastes [Kohelet] advises there’s a time to keep silent {Howie begins to sing the Pete Seeger tune, “Turn, Turn, Turn.”

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late.

…but we digress.

Bunim continues: ”…A word may [be worth] a one Sela coin, but silence is worth two [Gemorah Megillah].  But this teaching is startling because Rabbi Shimon extolls the virtue of silence even among the sages.  Surely, among the unlearned with talking involves trivia, silence is a virtue. But among the learned, where creative discussion a flow, in what sense is silence good?”

Lenny: To take Bunim’s statement a bit further, if our scholars all act as Marcel Marceau, where the learned don’t talk, there will be no teaching.  Back to Bunim…

“In order to understand Rabbi Shimon’s assertion, we must note his emphasis “I have found nothing better for the body than silence. For matters concerning the body, for physical matters, I have found the less talk the better.  When people get together the talk usually sinks to the lowest common denominator…even at a yeshiva banquet the talk usually centers around the menu rather than the speeches.

Let’s skip to Bunim’s later comments on “not learning is the main thing, but doing…” [וְלֹא הַמִּדְרָשׁ הוּא הָעִקָּר, אֶלָּא הַמַּעֲשֶׂה].

Here he says, that “since learning is looked upon as a means, it appears that the essence – what is truly important – is the deed.”

Howie: Silence may be golden but there needs to be some discourse with learned people in order to teach us how to behave.

Lenny: So, here we are again, Howie.   What do say to our grandchildren on this topic? How do we talk to them (ironically, perhaps, when you are supposed to talk little)?

Let’s say your Eli wants to talk to Pappa, or our grandchildren, Eytan, for instance asks me a question that touches on this area.  What do we say? How do we bring up this subject?  

Howie: Yes, but at that age they don’t really understand what to talk about, other than the facts. They don’t have the experience.

Lenny: What you’re saying is right on. Kids…I don’t think kids “get” small talk.

Howie: They speak the truth. You know, it’s like a grownup would talk.  There’s little artfulness [Lenny: When typing up these notes, I would add, that kids also do not generally manipulate, hide their intentions].

[Howie continues:] I think kids are very open and forthright.

Lenny: I don’t think this Mishnah applies to the kids at all.

Howie. No, it can’t.  The kids simply don’t understand the concept here, whereas the adults do.  A kid the age of Eli or Eytan…the concept of manipulation or hiding their intentions is not a concept they understand.

In my case, with Eli, we often talk about what toy did he recently get.

Lenny: You know, something you said struck me, Howie. In all the other Mishnayot we learned, we ask ourselves what we can teach grandchildren. In this case, maybe we should be asking what our grandchildren can teach us?

Bunim’s final commentary covers the last phrase in this Mishnah: וְכָל הַמַּרְבֶּה דְבָרִים, מֵבִיא חֵטְא.  Here Bunim expands on the meaning of this phrase, “whoever indulges in too many words brings about sin.”

He discussed how the serpent entices Eve to eat from the forbidden tree of knowledge. He says, “When asked, Eve asserted that Almighty had said that “you shall not touch it.”   Bunim claims that Eve has added words here. Because the Almighty had never prohibited her from touching the tree.  Once the serpent had convinced her to touch the tree, it was then easy for her to take a bite and eating would then result in no harm. 

According to Bunim, once you add words that are unnecessary you can be led to sin.

I think the serpent was very good at twisting words.

It’s always remarkable how many of these TV commentators and talk show hosts…they say so much, talk to much. Every so often [not surprisingly] they say something that embarrasses them or damages someone else’s reputation.  In the course of a year, they probably spew hundreds of thousands of words. Ultimately, their words will come back to haunt them. Frankly, we would all fall into that same pit if we spoke as much as they do.  We will all misspeak at some point.

In contrast and from my limited exposure to both Rabbi Soloveitchik and the Talner Rebbe, Rabbi Twersky, they chose their words carefully – even though as teachers they spoke quite a bit.

Howie: I have a brief story to tell you, regarding Rabbi Soloveitchik.

The history I have with Rabbi Soloveitchik is twofold. On Saturday night I attended his community class where he discussed the parsha of the week. There were a lot of words, but they were words of Torah.

In another instance, I was able to approach the Rav about a matter of medicine [Howie was an ophthalmologist].  The Rav invited me over to his house.  We had a discussion. I asked him many questions. When I was done, he said: Isn’t there anything more?

I asked him, Rebbe, what does that mean?  He said, “I want to ask you about the questions you didn’t ask.  He said because in that you also have a lot of learning.”

Lenny: Howie, what do you think he meant?

Howie: He wanted to add to his knowledge so he could learn more details and ask better questions, better understand the finer points of my halachic issue.

This conversation lasted for an hour and a half – because he felt there was something more to be learned.

At the end of our conversation, he told me that if someone asks you what I said to you, you should not respond to him. Instead tell him to come to me so I can deal directly with his questions.

He did not want to be misquoted.